my dirty little secret

Jeff Hardy, one of the top babyface acts in World Wrestling Entertainment, might be on his way out of the company in the coming months.

Hardy's contract expires this summer and WWE has been pushing hard to sign him to a new deal. So far, Jeff Hardy has turned down several lucrative offers from the company - including a new long-term deal and a 1-year contract extension.

Much of the Matt vs. Jeff storyline has been dictated by Jeff's current contract negotiations. With Jeff likely on his way out of the company, WWE is booking Matt to come out of the feud looking strong.

Jeff Hardy is said to be interested in getting away from the hectic lifestyle of a pro wrestler and wants to spend some time living on his own terms.

:(!!!

( Read more... )

Hm... Life.. It's been interesting as of late. I'm feeling oddly.... off. I don't know what it is. I mean, nothing is different, you know? I'm my same happy-go-lucky, goofy as fuck self... but I find myself on the verge of tears so often now... even as I'm typing this I'm trying not to cry. I can't think of anything logically wrong.. and it kills me. I want to know WHAT is wrong, you know? I want to know exactly what it is so I can either deal with it or shove it deep inside. Whatever, I guess I'll just keep moving along and hope I don't have a mental breakdown at an inappropriate moment.

p.s. I wonder if I'll finally be able to get drunk tonight. Probably not. Just another simple thing in life I fail at every time I try.

( Because Kit has(n't) told me to do this... )

( One of the kids Kit complained about in her last post... )

Yay HHH on Raw!

I wish Edge would take the "raw belt" to smackdown, and HHH would come to Raw with the "Smackdown" belt!!!

IWISHIWISHIWISH!!!!

p.s. I had a good valentine's day.. besides the fact we both worked. It was nice. :)

Go to www.urbandictionary. com and type in your answer to each question in the search box, then write the first definition it gives you.

1) Your name? Kristi
:( I like number two definition better! I'll do both!

a. A fun loving person who's best friend's name usually starts with a "f". a person who is a good listener. An attractive lady.

b. RICE KRISTIS!!!! A snack made out of Kristis and marshmallows ... resembles a Rice Crispie treat, hence the name

2) Your age? 23. (Ugh this answer is long as hell....) :D yay thanks Kit. lol
"The greatest number of all time.

Reasons why: It is...

1. a prime number, as are 2 and 3.
2. Michael Jordan's number.
3. the NBA record for most consecutive points scored by a single player in a game, done by none other than Michael Jordan.
4. the number of chromosomes in a human sperm or egg.
5. the angle between the earth's magnetic and rotational axis.
6. the Tropic of Cancer at 23 degrees N Latitude.
7. the Tropic of Capricorn at 23 degrees S Latitude.
8. a .com and the page is very cryptic.
9. the most quoted Psalm in the bible ("The Lord is my shepherd..."
10. the number of people executed in "A Tale of Two Cities"
11. the smallest number of people for which there is at least a 50% chance that two will share the same birthday.
12. the standard TCP/IP port for Telnet.
13. one of the "Lost" numbers on the television show....also the sum of two of the other numbers (8 & 15)and the solution to 42-15-4=23, all of which are also Lost numbers.
14. the number of times Caesar was stabbed in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar.
15. has been prominently featured in the following: Serendipity, Futurama, Star Wars A New Hope, Monty Python The Life of Brian, Seinfeld, The Big Lebowski, The Matrix Reloaded, and Die Hard III among MANY MANY other movies.
16. the number of flavors Dr. Pepper claims to be a blend of.
17. the number of distinct orientations of Tetris pieces.
18. the sum of U2, the greatest band ever. U is the 21st letter of the alphabet.
19. the number of letters in the latin alphabet.
20. the number of the Illuminati.
21. the letter W in the english alphabet, a letter with 2 points down and 3 points up.
22. the smallest number of integer sided boxes that tile a box such that no two boxes share a common length.
23. the only US president to serve between nonconsecutive terms of another president (23rd president Benjamin Harrison serving between Grover Cleveland's terms). "


3) One of your friends: Chris (hahaha! best answer ever.)
a douche bag homo that sits in his room all day beating off to cartoon porn and playing video games


4) What should you be doing? Sleeping (lmaaaaoo!)
To masturbate furiously in your room while praying that your grandma doesn't come in.

5) Favorite color? Blue (.... gayyness XD)
The hue of the portion of the visible spectrum lying between green and indigo, evoked in a human observer by radiant energy with wavelengths of approximately 420 to 490 nanometers.


6) Hometown? Slidell
Slidell Is a suburb of Louisiana. It is right between the coast of Mississippi and New Orleans, therefore it was completely destroyed during Hurricane Katrina, due to the eye going directly over it. It is a city made up of primarily extremely rich, snobby white folks who work in New Orleans but choose not to live there because it is the ghetto. You can either live in the city limits or outside, those who live outside are about 5 minutes (or a ride over Lake Pontchartrain on the Twin Spans) from New Orleans. The city lines are quite blurred, except for the fact that there is a giant lake in between. The people of Louisiana are for the most part extremely laid back. So goes there saying, "laissez les bons temps rouler", or let the the good times roll.


7) Month of your birthday? January
"Everyones favorite month!!"

but the second entry is better "Nantional Hangover Month. Because of the recent holadays and masive partying the general population spends the month hungover"

8) Last person you talked to? Angela (.. bahaha I'm gonna start calling her Laquisha...)
A desired human being who often pwns noobs at various video games including Dance Dance Revolution. Angela's also generally posses a large rear end. This rear end can be referred to as Laquisha.


9) What did you last eat? chips and dip
"when something is lame or boring."


10) Your nickname? (Oh I'm gonna list my main ones!)

Goomba: "Those weak enemies from Super Mario Brothers that walk in one direction and moves another direction when it bumps into something. "

Spiffy: "used to describe something as unique or amusing. Similar usage to cool."

Moo: "A negative word for any woman, esp. a soccer mom, who thinks that children in general (not just her own, but every child on the planet) are the only important things in life and everything else (friends, lovers, dreams, etc.) are nothing."

I'm totally having an emo moment. Funny how I only update journals when it's a: incredibly random, b: incredibly exciting or c: incredibly depressing.

I guess I just need someone to talk to, and there's no one around so I might as well talk to myself, eh?

Let's try to do this methodically. Angela, Chris, Moving, Work, Friends, and Myself.

Angela: She's got a lot of stuff going on lately. I can't cheer her up. The things going on in her life are things I can't solve with a joke. I want her to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for her. It feels strange being so happy myself and knowing she's not. I wish I could go further into detail about things, but considering it's not my place to post her business on the internet.. I can't. I just feel incredibly sad that I can't help her.

Chris: I'm entirely too in love with her. This is not a BAD THING, at all.. It's just I need her. Desperately. Being apart from her is killing me. I go through withdrawals when I don't talk to her for any length of time, and now that I've met her.. I'm constantly missing her touch. Not just in a sexual or romantic way.. I feel like part of me is missing. I belong with her. I usually hate being on the phone with people when they're talking to friends, but it's such a comfort just to hear her voice. I give up sleep just to listen in on the conversations she's having with her friends. (She has a bluetooth headset, by the way.. and sometimes I'll call her and just listen in on what's going on.) I just want to be able to sleep with her next to me, or cuddle up on the couch next to her while watching the lamest movie in the world.. I just want to be with her, you know? Things just really don't feel right when I'm not.

Moving: I'm moving to Alabama. I am, and I'm downright terrified. I've never wanted to leave "home" before. Slidell is all I've known... but it's starting to feel more and more just like the city/place I'm in. I feel more at home with Chris than I do in my own bedroom. I don't want to sleep in my bed, because she's not in it. I'm starting to distance myself from this place, and it's going to just get harder and harder until I DO move. Originally, I had planned on not moving until after the holidays... some time around my birthday. I'm not sure if I'll make it that long now. My need to be with her outweighs my fears and anxieties about leaving here.

Work: I'm running three departments, by myself. I'm not good enough for it. I'm not. I fear getting fired every day, for every little screw up. I go to my boss/co-workers and ask their opinions on things that are ultimately MY decision. Now, I know I'm going to be quitting and moving.. probably sooner than later, but I'm still horrified at the idea that I'm not cutting it. I'm also terrified about getting a new job. I'm comfortable with Chris's apartment, and all.. but getting a new job? That's a completely different story. I am fucking terrified.

Friends: What friends? I don't mean this in an emo way. Really.. but besides Angela, I've all but lost contact with all of my "best" friends. My top 8 is full of people who are basically strangers to me now. (Besides Chris and Angela...) I haven't had a longer-than-10-minute conversation with any one of them in ages. It makes me sad.

Myself: I wish I knew why I was so... abnormal. I know it pisses people off when I say that, but I just wish I didn't have my "social quirks." My stupid anxieties stop me from living a normal life. I'm terrified of feeling trapped in any situation, and my mind goes straight to worst case scenario mode automatically. I stop myself from going a lot of places, or even opening myself up to having "in real life" friends because I'm so scared of me having some stupid anxiety attack, or shitting all over myself. I know I'm not the only person in the world who has problems like these.. but "normal" people can just get up and go to Wal-Mart at any time. There are times when I CAN'T. I just cannot go. Being depressed was better than this.. I just didn't care what I did. It wasn't that I wanted to and I physically felt like I COULDN'T. You know? I'm so afraid that I'm just this big fuck up, and I'll go emo sometimes and wonder why people even put up with me as an acquaintance. I know talking so down about myself just hurts/annoys the ones I really care about.. but I just wish I could be better.

I guess my emofest is over. Well, at least talking about it is. I could go a lot more into depth about everything.. but I'll probably go curl up in a little ball somewhere and cry my eyes out instead.

So, life is exciting! I really should update this thing more, but yaknow...

CHRIS IS AMAZING: She's everything I wanted in a girlfriend, ever. She wants to spoil me. She calls me... *looks around* .... princess.. Which oddly makes me giggly inside. I've never felt more girly than this.

ROAD TRIP!: Oh god. This Saturday night, Angela and I are leaving Slidell to drive up to Florence, AL where Chris lives. I am SUPER NERVOUS, but SUPER EXCITED. This could change everything.

WORK SUCKS: Being the manager of two depts is not fun, AT ALL. There's not enough time for me to make BOTH look amazing. It's impossible, I'm gonna end up getting fired. Sigh.

Um... I took the arms off my computer chair today! It's weird, but it fits completely under my desk now... and I needed the extra room.

I can't decide which of these to get, Kit? Do you like either?

( Read more... )

( Kit commands, I listen! )

I don't know who I am, who I am without you.
All I know is that I should.

- Missy Higgins


The song is from an ex-lover perspective, but it so applies to my entire life. Why can't I be who I want to be? Why am I so afraid?

RANT ON!

>:O

WHAT'S THE POINT OF MY WORK'S WEBSITE BEING "ACCESSIBLE FROM HOME" IF IT'S NOT ACCESSIBLE FROM HOME?!

Pfft. I'm trying to research for new items to bring in, and the only way I can do that is REALLY time consuming, so I figured I'd do it while sitting at home instead of wasting a day at work when there's TONS of stuff there that needs to be physically done.

So, I get a handful of items, and then GUESS WHAT! It won't connect to the company website now. BULLOCKS AND OTHER OBSCENITIES! I was going to make the new item order tomorrow too, man.

GAYNESS ALL AROUND!

/rant

:D

But it made me giggle.
( MARRIAGE FTW! )

Work is annoying the ever living piss out of me. I'm "HBC/GM manager" right? No, wrong. First of all.. I'm apparently only a "clerk"... which means I can't get a raise even though I'm ordering/putting in new items/building displays for HBC/GM WHILE throwing frozen and grocery stock out 3 days a week.. which leaves me in "my" dept for TWO days. I do more work in one day than other people do in a week.. BUT I DIGRESS.. that's not why I'm pissed.

I'm pissed because someone either store level or corporate level decided that GM (which is all seasonal stuff.. christmas/halloween/summer... plus mops/rubbermaid/school supplies/pots + pans etc...) sales should go under the GROCERY department. Now, work wise.. nothing is changing for me. I'm still doing the work.. but I'm not getting credit for the sales. Seasonal sales are the only things that brings LOTS of money to my dept.. so now all I have is toothpaste/pain meds/cold meds/vitamins/etc to bring sales in. Those sales don't vary on impulse buys. People aren't going to buy deodorant if they aren't out of deodorant.

What really pisses me off about it is that, on paper, my job is no longer a full time 40 hour-a-week job... so if hour cuts come down.. I will possibly be affected. It just pisses me off to know I work so hard for NOTHING. I don't even know if any of this makes sense, just know it sucks. I do the work, another dept gets the credit, and when it boils down to it... I could get affected by labor cuts because I'm just a "clerk," not a manger.

Mark is here, and he's not helping the situation at all.

p.s. Galaxy Quest is my new favorite movie. I NEED to get it on DVD, pronto.

p.s.s. The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas is an amusing movie, but I think I need to let it grow on me. It's a musical, so I figure in about 2 weeks I'll be madly in love with it.

p.s.s.s. OH KIT YOU'LL LOVE THIS!! Angela's mom got a new laptop, but Angela's mom didn't want me to touch it because she was afraid I'd hack into her bank account. wtf? (I had to put some freeware antivirus/antispyware stuff on it and Limewire and Photoshop for Angela)... but... srsly... HACK HER BANK ACCOUNT JUST BY USING HER COMPUTER? Come on.

( cut for length. the A-J of my life right now! )

So last night was pretty traumatizing.

Patches was in full, eyes dilated, back arched, crazy cat hissing/screaming/attacking mode last night for 5 hours, from 9 til I went to bed at 2AM.

( Full details, in an as-they-happened order )

I varied between "god I wish he'd just die" rage last night to "I wish he'd just get better." bawling. I cannot keep him as a pet like this, regardless of what some of my friends think. It is not a matter of using positive reinforcement or training, or plastic bags/spray bottles to discipline him. He was NOT backing down, and nothing was changing his mind. This is not just an instance of an asshole cat. My cat's always been an asshole, taking a swipe at your legs and running away, or biting you for no reason. I've dealt with him as an asshole.

This is him as a crazed mother fucker. He should not be around ANY human like this. I don't have an extra bedroom with a door I can push cat food in. Or a full out riot suit to change his litter box in. He has to live with me, or moreorless, he has to die. He's not an adoptable cat. It is not acceptable, for even the most craziest of cat ladies, for a cat to be in full feral, rip your throat out, ATTACK mode at the drop of a hat, without provoking. If I had thrown something at him, and he retaliated.. for a half hour.. That'd be acceptable. This is just insane.

Besides, regardless of whether I can deal with him.. no one else in my family can run and jump on a sofa, or run AT ALL. If he is like this towards ANY of them.. They're gonna get hurt, maybe severely. I can't have that on my shoulders. AND my sister-in-law is having a baby in July. I can't risk him being a toddler, opening the door to my room and having my cat full fledged attack him.

If this was a human, attacking other humans with a full RAGE.. He'd be a: shot dead while he was trying to attack people or b: stuck in a full bind body straight jacket, and put in some rubber room. They don't have an equivalent for cats. It's called putting to sleep.

I don't have any other options. If I get him declawed, I can't ever put him outside when he gets like this. If I go to the vet to get anti-anxiety medicine... There's no way I can give it to him. If I leave him as an outside cat, I have to risk getting attacked leaving or entering my own house. What other choice do I have but to get him taken away? I don't see any other logical choices. Besides, isn't it better to have him put to sleep rather than have him get hit by a car, or shot at with b-bs/tortured by some stupid neighborhood kid, or kicked to death by some family who's cat/kids he's attacking? It's like the only way I could keep him is if I had a closet full of tranquilizer darts, and whenever he got like this.. I knocked him out, locked him in a cage until he got better. (and can you see him calming down while locked in a cage?)

and Kit, I know you disagree with me on this. I know you do. If I get him put to sleep, you'll probably never talk to me again, but god I think if you had seen him you'd at least understand a little.

LISTENING TO HATEBREED MAKES MY THROAT HURT.

Seriously. I don't think that's normal.

I'm not screaming along, so whyyyyyy?!?!

p.s. THIS LADY IS LUCKY I'M ANAL.

(she has mix cds.. and I'm listening to the songs so I can get them labeled correctly.)

I think I need younger friends. All of my "adult" (I say that like I'm not an adult. doh!) friends have no or very little of a clue about computers... and at least ONCE A DAY I have to fix a computer at work, or show them how to do something, or fix the scanning/ordering/pricing gun.

And then there's the endless "Oh I'm gonna call you and you can walk me through putting songs on my ipod" etc etc.

This one lady, in seafood, says she has an ipod that's just sitting there because "there's a password on my computer that doesn't let me download music to it"

.... SO HERE I AM, in my free time.. ripping ALL of her CDs to her ipod.

GODDAMMIT. I should start charging extra.

Intro: Get a phone call from a friend at around 2:30. Was in the shitter (not that I'm going to tell him that.. lol) so I didn't answer. I knew he had work at 3, and I hate it when people call me at work so I just let it go. He goes home at lunch and signs on AIM.. following conversation ensues.

Spifferific = me

friend (6:17:55 PM): thanks for answering the phone i appreciate it
spifferific (6:18:35 PM): You really need to get over that. [he wigs out like this all the time] I don't answer my phone every time someone calls. It's called not feeling like talking. It's normal.
friend (6:18:58 PM): at least you could text? [and why couldn't HE text me and ask say what he needed to?]
friend (6:19:09 PM): or answer and say hey what do you need i dont feel like talking
friend (6:19:36 PM): not just not answer the phone
friend (6:19:40 PM): i mean what if it was a emergency
spifferific (6:19:51 PM): What could i possibly do for you in an emergency?
boy (6:19:56 PM): call for help

CALL FOR HELP!?! wtf. I don't drive. There is NOTHING I could do for him in an emergency. I don't know any of his friends, or his family.. so it's not like I could get in touch with them. So.. WHY would he call ME in an emergency? Instead of calling for help HIMSELF?

friend (6:20:24 PM): and the reason i called is because were suppose to be friends
friend (6:20:30 PM): i bet if angela called you would answer [Angela is my ex-girlfriend, and we're still pretty close. And no, I don't always answer for her EITHER]
friend (6:20:34 PM): thats messed up

What's wrong with just not wanting to talk? Why are people INSULTED nowadays when someone doesn't answer their phone? or call them back within 10 minutes? ESPECIALLY if they don't leave a voice mail.

If you don't leave a voice mail or even send a text saying "hey call when you get a chance"... I assume it's not anything important, and therefore won't call you back if I am not in the mood.

Am I really that horrible of a person for having this outlook?

p.s. This was originally posted in my postwhore thread, then expanded for a full rant at xmike, then revised for here. :D

I was outside smoking... and there was a man walking a tiny dog and he singing at the TOP OF HIS LUNGS, completely oblivious to anything around him.

It made me giggle.

( the man behind the singing! )

.