my dirty little secret

So last night was pretty traumatizing.

Patches was in full, eyes dilated, back arched, crazy cat hissing/screaming/attacking mode last night for 5 hours, from 9 til I went to bed at 2AM.

( Full details, in an as-they-happened order )

I varied between "god I wish he'd just die" rage last night to "I wish he'd just get better." bawling. I cannot keep him as a pet like this, regardless of what some of my friends think. It is not a matter of using positive reinforcement or training, or plastic bags/spray bottles to discipline him. He was NOT backing down, and nothing was changing his mind. This is not just an instance of an asshole cat. My cat's always been an asshole, taking a swipe at your legs and running away, or biting you for no reason. I've dealt with him as an asshole.

This is him as a crazed mother fucker. He should not be around ANY human like this. I don't have an extra bedroom with a door I can push cat food in. Or a full out riot suit to change his litter box in. He has to live with me, or moreorless, he has to die. He's not an adoptable cat. It is not acceptable, for even the most craziest of cat ladies, for a cat to be in full feral, rip your throat out, ATTACK mode at the drop of a hat, without provoking. If I had thrown something at him, and he retaliated.. for a half hour.. That'd be acceptable. This is just insane.

Besides, regardless of whether I can deal with him.. no one else in my family can run and jump on a sofa, or run AT ALL. If he is like this towards ANY of them.. They're gonna get hurt, maybe severely. I can't have that on my shoulders. AND my sister-in-law is having a baby in July. I can't risk him being a toddler, opening the door to my room and having my cat full fledged attack him.

If this was a human, attacking other humans with a full RAGE.. He'd be a: shot dead while he was trying to attack people or b: stuck in a full bind body straight jacket, and put in some rubber room. They don't have an equivalent for cats. It's called putting to sleep.

I don't have any other options. If I get him declawed, I can't ever put him outside when he gets like this. If I go to the vet to get anti-anxiety medicine... There's no way I can give it to him. If I leave him as an outside cat, I have to risk getting attacked leaving or entering my own house. What other choice do I have but to get him taken away? I don't see any other logical choices. Besides, isn't it better to have him put to sleep rather than have him get hit by a car, or shot at with b-bs/tortured by some stupid neighborhood kid, or kicked to death by some family who's cat/kids he's attacking? It's like the only way I could keep him is if I had a closet full of tranquilizer darts, and whenever he got like this.. I knocked him out, locked him in a cage until he got better. (and can you see him calming down while locked in a cage?)

and Kit, I know you disagree with me on this. I know you do. If I get him put to sleep, you'll probably never talk to me again, but god I think if you had seen him you'd at least understand a little.